Traditionally, an engagement starts with a diamond ring – a high-end asset. If the marriage never takes place, by law, the ring reverts to the giver. If the marriage takes place, the engagement ring belongs to the recipient, even if the marital disintegration starts immediately. 

Any other gift given during the time of engagement doesn’t have the concept of necessary reversion like the ring.

By law, wedding gifts are marital. That means, presumptively, they’re split equitably in New York. When we say “equitable,” we don’t necessarily mean 50/50; different assets are often split in different allocations – but wedding gifts do tend to be split 50/50 if the parties are choosing to treat it as a marital asset.

As wedding gifts are typically bestowed to both parties in their newfound celebration, gifts from third parties expressly given to both parties during the marriage are also marital. Here, the express intent of the giver matters. If, for example, the wife’s father or best friend gives her a gift during the marriage, that would be her separate property, but if the father or best friend gives that same gift and says, “Here is for the two of you to enjoy,” the gift would be marital property. 

I have seen situations where parents will put real property in their married child’s exclusive name and gift it. The act of placing the real property in one party’s name is sufficient to demonstrate their intention to gift it to their child as separate property. Conversely, I have seen instances where parents placed real property in both parties’ names (their child and his/her spouse). In these instances, their child cannot meet the burden of proof that the gift was meant exclusively for them at the time of a divorce. They must share that real property with their soon-to-be ex as marital property. 

Inheritances are a form of a third-party gift given at a loved one’s demise. These gifts are separate property. So long as the inheriting party keeps it separate, the law honors this as separate property. Even if some commingling of it has occurred, if the inheriting party can trace it to the inheritance, they often get recoupment.

It is only natural that spouses buy things for each other, and these interspousal gifts are marital property under the law. Think of a husband who buys his wife a necklace for her birthday and a wife who buys her husband a one-of-a-kind watch for their anniversary. Those are both interspousal gifts. Their allocation, upon a divorce, is subject to equitable distribution.

Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements can elect to opt out of this, and designate all such gifts as separate property. The prenup/postnup can address whose separate property it is. 

Different people designate the gifts as separate or marital property based on their individual values and sensibilities. It is common for clients to say that interspousal gifts will be the recipient’s separate property, but you have people who also want to set a dollar limit, for example, they may feel that all gifts under $4,000 will be the recipients but anything over $4,000 will revert to the giver. 

Some feel that when a marriage is on the heels of divorce, and one party may have even engaged a divorce attorney, the party trying to salvage the marriage will try re-courting their spouse and lavishing them with expensive gifts to reignite endearment. Their sense of justice tells them that if a divorce happens, that expensive inter-spousal gift should revert to them if they used separate property to buy it, because their spouse was already planning on divorcing them and that last ditch effort should not cause them a greater loss. 

These sorts of nuanced permutations are common. Another example of a permutation would be that all wedding gifts will be one of the party’s separate property, because that party paid for most of the wedding. 

Helping clients feel a sense of security through prenuptial and postnuptial agreements is one of my favorite parts of practicing Matrimonial Law. 

If you would like to learn more about how your gifts and assets are classified in a divorce or to draft a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement tailored to your specific priorities, contact me to schedule a consultation.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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It’s a common occurrence meant to unearth skeletons and expose red flags in your life. 

The business partners or corporation want to know how your problems may become their problems if you are onboarded and welcomed into their fold. 

Your prospective or current marriage may be one of the things they look at with discomfiting interest. 

There is ostensibly a good reason for this personal invasion of privacy. Divorce has the potential to shine a spotlight on your business interests and investments in what’s called “Discovery.”

Discovery is a mutual exchange of financial documentation during divorce. It includes all income, assets/investments, and debts. It is an exhaustive and time-consuming process meant to ensure that all cards are on the table and there is full transparency relating to the divorcing parties’ individual and collective finances. The intended endgame is a fair and equitable financial settlement agreement. 

The inevitable consequence is the required production of documentation relating to business interests and investments. This makes prospective business partners queasy as they typically don’t want confidential documentation relating to their business exposed in your divorce. 

To give you some examples, one of my divorcing clients had 3 business partners. It was a very successful hands-on business and all 4 of them were actively involved on a day-to-day basis. Typically, I meet with my clients alone and we loop in their accountant and other professionals when needed. In this instance, all 4 business partners insisted on being at all meetings relating to the business, its valuation, forensic accounting, and documentation that would be produced. My client’s wife was seeking a marital portion of the business (of which my client was a quarter owner). She was also trying to understand its income structure and claimed there had been downward manipulation of income in anticipation of divorce – a fallacious assertion, which we needed to refute. 

Another example is a frantic phone call I received from a new client. He was in Europe for a corporate meeting with his business partners. His wife called him during the meeting to tell him she was seeking an immediate divorce. His business partners overheard and became so concerned as to how they would be affected that they told him to call me immediately on speaker phone and explain to them the process of discovery, equitable distribution, and allocation of business interests under NY divorce law. 

Fortunately, there are preventative measures to cut such problems off at the pass, including prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. 

For prospective or current business owners a very popular prenuptial or postnuptial clause is making a business separate property, and moreover, barring discovery of the business. 

This clause is one I am strongly in favor of when I represent the business owner and one that I am strongly against when I represent the non-business owner. However, everything can be made possible for the right price. If it is used as a barter for something worthwhile I can get for my client, it is open for discussion. 

Negotiating any prenup or postnup involves a lot of listening and diplomacy because we are trying to foster a marriage and engender love, endearment, and a sense of fairness between the parties. It needs to work for both parties, not just one. 

However, prenups and postnups are also instruments where strong advocacy for one’s client is needed to ensure the client is protected.  

We need to walk a fine line and be careful how we tread and define terms. If we are too inflexible with our own client’s interests in complete disregard of the other party’s interests, it can backfire. 

For more information on prenuptial and postnuptial agreements and walking the fine line of negotiating your ideal terms, contact The Law & Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein. 

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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Usually, dynamics like these involve two highly skilled and highly successful professionals. For example:

A couple was running a medical practice together, and it just worked out that one of them drummed up a lot more business. Projects were dominated by that spouse, and patients asked for them, specifically. 

While married, the couple kept the profit distribution for the business at 50/50. It’s a great business with great clients, so they want it to continue. As part of the settlement, they agreed to change the profit model of the business to account for who brings in more dollars. 

When divorcing spouses are business partners, they may end up hoarding business relationships, just as we see when parties to a divorce become territorial with their mutual friends.    

Another common dynamic I see in all types of high achievers, whether they work for themselves or someone else, is that both partners work hard during the week — but one of them really prefers to do nothing on the weekends. Their spouse is someone who takes every pottery class, goes to every wine tasting, and learns every language. That, too, will plant a seed for some type of inequality of effort. To be clear, there are some situations where two people like that can coexist if there is one that doesn’t mind doing things on their own. 

I’m often very inspired by my clients and my cases. I see my clients go through tremendous grief, stuck in a relationship that’s supposed to be loving, yet feeling like they’re constantly competing. You wish that — somehow in their adult life — they can manage to overcome that and reach a happier place within themselves. It’s rewarding when they start dating other people and see first-hand that there are much more peaceful individuals out there. 

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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We often hear that someone is “going through a midlife crisis.” It can happen in a way where the person is happy, sad, or in between. A red sports car may be involved, or it may be a new model train hobby. When the person is married, the crisis ends up spreading out to affect the people around them.

In most cases, however, there has usually been some sort of shift taking place within that person that set the stage for a midlife crisis. From society’s changing attitudes to cell biology, here are three factors that I frequently see:

•Menopause: A classic example is a woman going through menopause. Many women will tell you that they felt absolutely crazy for five years. Their body stops being able to regulate itself, and then, all of a sudden, they start thinking differently and feeling differently about themselves and their whole life. Menopause “survivors” say that they had become a different person through those years.

•Mental Illness & Substance Abuse: It is not uncommon for very high-functioning people to struggle with a chronic mental illness or substance abuse problems. As they approach midlife, something happens that throws them off balance where they are no longer able to control their illness, even within the parameters that have always kept them high functioning. Of course, Covid has been working non-stop to add stress to people’s lives, which may result in relapses when there otherwise might not have been.

“Cougars” & “Hot Dads”: As society has suddenly begun to admire women and men past the age of 40, the denizens of that age group are taking notice. Men, especially, seem eager to test out the extent of their attractiveness on younger associates at work. Things like personal trainers, plastic surgery, and body contouring become a priority. This effect may also be partially responsible for the rise in divorce among people in their 40s and 50s.

Eventually, for these people, something happens where they are no longer even within the sphere of normalcy. The checks and balances they had made in their lives are no longer working, and they begin to act in ways they never had before. Either they will ask for a divorce, or their spouse will. If you ask their spouses what happened, they will often say that the person who had the midlife crisis was a workaholic with a successful career — and a substance abuse problem.

Thankfully, the 1950s are dead and buried, much like the notion of staying in an unhappy marriage. That said, divorce can still be a long and painful shift, and escaping an abusive home is still fraught with dangerous obstacles.

Contact us for more information.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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There are a wide variety of strategies that can be used to, for lack of a better term, tell your ex to shut up. Specific legal remedies that can be put in place are: 

•Confidentiality Clauses/Non-Disclosure Agreements: A party can negotiate confidentiality or privacy clauses. Unfortunately, these Agreements are very difficult to enforce and not worth the paper it’s written on. It makes people feel better to include these clauses, but it’s important not to be delusional about their efficacy. 

•Orders of Protection: People do sometimes try to go for the jugular, which in today’s world is bad-mouthing your ex to their employers and coworkers. When that happens, it is a direct cause and reason to go straight for an order of protection to shut the person down. Judges are usually sympathetic to the person who is being harassed, especially since the courts want people employed. 

•Litigation: Johnny Depp’s defamation suit against Amber Heard was an outlier in the world of divorce. Most people do not want to litigate for various reasons, most commonly to avoid airing out their laundry for their employer or general network to potentially see — but sometimes bringing a suit is the right solution to the problem at hand. 

There’s often trepidation among divorcing people around using all the tools in their arsenal. They worry that doing so will exacerbate the situation. For example, if someone works at a job that requires a security clearance, they may be afraid that something like an order of protection will appear as a black mark and flag them from clearing. 

Instead, a lot of people choose the status quo and, essentially, suffer in silence. 

It’s important to keep in mind that the courts, as we know, are part of the government. The government is always afraid of people becoming a ward of the state. They want people employed and fully functioning, and they take this idea of playing around with another person’s employability very seriously. The legal system is capable of helping you — if you have good representation and know which cards to play.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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One of the unique aspects of a marital relationship is that each spouse knows things about the other that no one else does. When vulnerabilities that are exposed in the times of greatest intimacy and closeness are used against someone, they may feel a loss of the trust that created the whole reason for marriage.

Unfortunately, divorce is problematic in its own way. It often gets used as a bombshell when talking to neighbors, and this can create feelings of tremendous isolation for the other person. I’ve seen people go to bed one night with a whole network of friends, and wake up blocked by all of them, across multiple platforms. 

Sometimes, mutual friends can actually be great facilitators during the process of mediating a divorce, as a sort of in-between. Other times, friends are caught in the middle and used as sounding boards to air out the negative feelings of whichever spouse they are with at the moment. 

One thing that few people realize is that when your ex bad-mouths you, they often reveal their own negative character traits instead of yours. Within the work environment, the gossiper is the one that is most at risk, because nobody really wants to hear that often sensationalized, quasi-true, shameful anecdote about their co-worker’s ex, especially if they are a substantive person themselves; it makes us cringe. Moreover, at work, superiors start to think their blabbermouth divorcing underling is using time and energy they should be channeling into their job to conduct glorified group therapy sessions, and consequently, they start scrutinizing their job performance more. I often say, “Chances are it’s more negatively impacting your spouse that they’re blabbing about you than it’s affecting you.”

That said, people are often still blocked from their regular friends and support systems. Across the board, I have seen people experience trouble functioning in the midst of a mass ghosting led by their soon-to-be ex-spouse. 

Ultimately, the larger world is full of people who do have an element of common sense. If they feel they know you, and have a decent rapport with you, most people will be able to navigate the gossip. 

In my next post, I’ll talk about the measures you can take, like confidentiality and NDA clauses, to protect yourself in an agreement.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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There’s nothing new about people changing their minds at the last minute. In fact, one of the perennial questions I field is something to the effect of, “How often do you see clients who choose to stay together?” I think this is an important topic because sometimes people really want to try to see if — maybe — they could stay together. The internal idealist in some holds out hope despite all odds; for others, it’s their inner pragmatist.  

•Many times, the spouse who initiated the divorce gets cold feet. Instead of serving papers, they opt to work on the marriage. 

•Sometimes the reconciliation happens after a frank assessment of the marital assets reveals that one (or neither) party would be in a good position after divorce and the parties are driven by practicality to stay together. 

•The couple might really pride themselves on being good parents and doing the best they can for their children. They think that being divorced would be terrible for the kids, so they just “stick it out.”

•Some people identify with the saying, “Better the enemy you know than the enemy you don’t know.” Home life might not be ideal, but they’ve carved out semi-independent lives under the marriage that make staying together less stressful than a divorce.  

•Sometimes people get intimidated by the dating scene and become afraid that they’ll never find somebody new. 

Every now and again, there’s a situation where parties are able to work through these situations and actually end up with a better marriage. More often than that, however, I end up getting a call in two or three years to finalize the divorce we previously discussed. I think it’s a healthy thing to do, because divorce is a journey for each person. When they come back the second time, they are unequivocally one thousand percent sure they want to proceed, and in that respect, they are completely at peace with it. 

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

The post When Filing For Divorce Triggers a Reconciliation: Changing Your Mind About Divorce appeared first on Cheryl Stein, Esq..

I don’t relish being a party pooper, but I always remind clients, “It’s not over ‘til the fat lady sings!” 

What does this mean in the context of divorce? It means that, if you have unemancipated children, you will likely be revisiting parts of your divorce agreement time and again as they grow older and unanticipated events occur, one of you wants to relocate, one of you loses a job and needs to modify child support and for a plethora of other reasons. Many divorced parents end up going back to court until their children are emancipated — and possibly afterwards if there are child support arrears. 

Sometimes, the divorce agreement is just the beginning of the legal battles. Unfortunately, this can be true even for prescient, well thought out and meticulously drafted agreements, but obviously in the latter instances, there is less exposure, so having a really solid tight-knit initial agreement in place, which leaves room for less loopholes, is key, albeit not bulletproof.  

Maintenance and spousal support are modifiable. Even if someone waives spousal support in their agreement, there is case law in which — 10 years after the agreement — one party was going to be a ward of the state and sued for maintenance. The judge ruled that maintenance had to be paid, which sounds perturbing and off-base, but the court will first look at the ex-spouse rather than let the other person be a ward of the state. Even if you try to waive support, or negotiate a certain amount, that is all modifiable. Notably, maintenance is harder to modify than child support, which has a much lower bar for modification, and includes the classic 3 bases: passage of 3 years; 15% increase or decrease in either party’s income; and a substantial change in circumstances. 

The permissibility of modification for custody holds true as well. You can have one party awarded custody because the other party was a total disaster at the time of divorce. The parent unfit at the time of the divorce can always come back later and say, “I rehabilitated myself. I need to be the joint custodial parent now” and proceed to demonstrate substantial changes in circumstances since the initial agreement and judgment of divorce were signed off on to prove their point and elevate their custodial standing.   

These requests to change custody agreements and modify child support and maintenance are very common and the post-judgment part in court is more backed up than the parts that handle the initial divorces. 

The same occurs with challenges and attempts to overturn prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. People often state that their prenup or postnup was signed under duress or coercion, or perhaps they didn’t have an attorney look at it and didn’t understand what they were signing. It is critical that attorneys who represent clients in these agreements strategize and have the necessary foresight to prevent such an eventual catastrophe to their client. 

Life circumstances change. People change their minds. Whatever reasons that they come up with, valid or invalid, people often want to get out of deals — and there’s nothing unusual about that.

To learn more about your specific circumstances, please contact us at cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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Studies show that addicts don’t necessarily get better — instead it’s about containing or channeling the addiction. Oftentimes, for a multitude of reasons, the partners of addicts are willing to cut the other party some slack because they don’t want to throw in the towel on the marriage. Sometimes, a post-nuptial agreement is done instead of a separation or divorce, sometimes nothing is done.

When thinking of addiction, most people conjure images of alcohol, drugs, and smoking, but there are so many other forms of addiction that can have deleterious effects on relationships and marriage, like sex addiction, gambling, video games and screen time, and engaging in dangerous and high-risk sports and behavior to test one’s edge and get their adrenaline pumping towards making them feel more alive, or on the flip side, to numb themselves from feeling anything.

I have a case in which a woman was married to someone who is a sex addict. He spent the down payment for a new house on his addiction. Because they have three young children, the wife took a wait-and-see attitude. For his part, the husband went to a rehab facility and found 12-step meetings to attend afterward. Unfortunately, as time went on, it became clear that his addiction was a factor once more. While it did not affect his career, he was not able to juggle his addiction and his marriage. I represented the wife in the divorce getting her 75% of the parties’ assets in an equitable distribution relief package to compensate her for the money the husband dissipated on prostitutes, escorts, and his porn addiction.

Another common situation I’ve come across is when there is a combination of addiction and rather acute mental illness, such as bipolar disorder. This is especially relevant when there are changes to medication used to treat mental health issues, or the person simply stops taking their prescribed medications. These situations can change overnight, and often cause people to want an immediate divorce in order to protect the children, in addition to protecting assets, and their own mental health and sense of safety.

Gambling addiction is also widespread. A client’s husband recently revealed to her that he has $150,000 in gambling debt and a co-debt with someone else for over $50,000. She is obviously very concerned about her assets, which primarily consist of the marital home. One option for this couple would be a post-nuptial agreement, putting everything in the non-addict spouse’s name.

Within more religious and tight-knit communities, I’ve seen many miserably unhappily married people choose to stay married to an addict solely because they fear stigma. Often, they have children and are afraid that others will think the addiction is inherited. If people live in a community where addiction is a highly stigmatized black marker, they don’t want people to know, so they choose to “stick it out” in their marriage — a very loveless marriage for the sake of maintaining a facade.

Feel free to contact me if any of this resonates and you or your spouse struggle with an addiction.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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I had a case where the husband had been put in jail because he had been stealing money from a fund that he was responsible for. Over the course of many years, he began taking money to subsidize his lifestyle with his wife. His wife made a good living, and he wanted to present that he was contributing towards the marriage as well. In truth, the wife didn’t know that much about the husband’s job, and she didn’t ask. He was a consultant, and they filed their taxes separately. 

The fund that the husband was responsible for eventually discovered his embezzlement. He ended up doing a stint in jail, and the wife stayed with him throughout this ordeal. The wife was not prosecuted or implicated in any way. This marriage did eventually disintegrate into divorce – the seed being planted with the husband’s criminal activity — but it took many years. 

In another instance where the husband was found guilty of embezzlement, the couple owned many joint assets together. They wanted to get a divorce in order to protect the wife’s share of the assets and transfer all the assets into her exclusive name, thereby protecting them. 

Sometimes, people trigger an investigation into their (ex-)spouse. For example, a wife may know that her husband used fuzzy math on his tax returns. They may stay married, and benefit from the questionable returns while they’re married. It’s only after the divorce — or during a very, very contentious divorce — that they will call the IRS. That is not only personally distasteful to me, it is also illogical to facilitate the imprisoning of your ex-spouse because then they cannot work and make support payments. Further, the children are deprived of a parent and have to deal with the emotional turmoil and stigma of an imprisoned parent.   

Finally, there are extreme scenarios of finding out your spouse committed a crime and got away with it. For example, finding out your spouse has affiliations with a supremacist or hate group, a terrorist organization, has stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars and gone undiscovered, and in the most extreme scenario, has committed rape or murder in their past and never got caught. These are not just scenarios that play out in mystery novels; while not run of the mill, these events happen and need to be handled delicately. 

There are ways to build up some armor and distinguish yourself from your law-breaking spouse. Post-nuptial agreements can address all kinds of different issues. If the marriage is in a more advanced stage of deterioration, you can pursue a separation agreement or divorce. Contact me at cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com to learn more.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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