It’s very common, in so-called May-December relationships, for the wife to have the option of taking time off from work to raise the children during their formative years — a move that, in the event of a divorce, could necessitate spousal support.

I just worked with a woman in this position. During the prenuptial agreement negotiations, her then-fiancé wanted her to waive spousal support despite the realities of the situation – their current income disparity. 

Even though his earnings are much more than hers, she had the foresight to see that he would probably retire much sooner than she would. She could easily imagine an eventual role reversal in which she would be paying him. 

She needed to have the security of knowing that — if they wound up divorcing at a much later time — her financial security would not turn to shambles. At the same time, she did not want to be on the hook to support him through a life stage that is known for its extreme expenses. 

We came up with creative solutions to address her concerns and protect her in the short and long term for all eventualities.

The case above provides a relatively common example of how people plan for large age gaps in their marriages. Other, more complicated issues arise if the older spouse has been married before.

Let’s say, a woman is marrying someone 25 years older than her. I want to make sure that this man has a life insurance policy specifically designated to her and their joint children as opposed to his dependents from his previous marriages. Additionally, estate-planning documents need to be examined and rewritten to reflect the new marriage and its offsprings. Not to mention healthcare proxies and living wills. That’s why it’s often important to include a trusts and estates attorney in your strategy. 

Of course, anything you can do with a prenup, you can also do with a postnup.

Contact me to learn more: https://cherylsteinesq.com/contact.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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The magnified “crisis” is confined in scope to the illegal immigration issue.  

Untarnished by the mass media coverage is the uncontroversial paths towards legal immigration that have been steadfast and secure bastions for many years.  

A longstanding path is legally obtaining United States citizenship via marriage to an American citizen. See also, https://www.ice.gov.  

United States citizenship is one of the greatest assets we have. We sometimes take this for granted. It is incredibly sought after by many have-nots.  

America on its worst days is better than many other countries on their best days.  

We interviewed renowned immigration attorney Candice L. Ackermann, Esq. of Visa Law Pros – www.visalawpros.com – to discuss the intersection between divorce and immigration.

The golden rule is that a marriage entered into between a US citizen and non-US citizen needs to be a “bona fide marriage” at the time it is entered into to be recognized by immigration. A bona fide marriage forges the legal path of citizenship for the immigrant spouse. 

A bona fide marriage must be proven to the immigration authorities with evidence and documentation.  

The two most powerful pieces of evidence are proof of joint residence and commingling of marital funds, such as a joint bank account.  

None of us are so naive as to believe that all these marriages are authentic. We all assume that a percentage is based on artifice – a couple portraying the surface layer optics of a marriage – a citizen helping an immigrant friend or acquaintance as a benevolent gesture or in exchange for something tangible or intangible promised.  

But a percentage – larger than you may think – of these marriages are based on a genuine desire to build a life with the other person.  

Notwithstanding such aspirational marital goals at the outset, with an overall high divorce rate in this country, these marriages are, obviously, just as likely or unlikely to fail and end up in divorce as any other.  

Trouble comes when the marriage irretrievably breaks down within the first two years and before the final immigration interview to remove conditions to the immigrant spouse’s green card.  

Timing is critical. If the immigrant spouse can prove the marriage was bona fide when entered into, they usually don’t have to worry if a divorce action is commenced prior to their final immigration interview, but this is not a bullet-proof catch-all. There are exceptions and nuances that need to be accounted for on a case-by-case basis.  

If you and your spouse find yourself in this conundrum and you have questions about an inevitable and impending divorce, contact us at The Law & Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein – www.cherylsteinesq.com – to learn more.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

The post The Interplay Between Divorce and Immigration: Part 1 appeared first on Cheryl Stein, Esq..

The legal community focuses heavily on the topic of domestic violence with continuing legal education seminars and pro bono clinics. There is even a specialized court called the IDV court (integrated domestic violence), where the family law cases that have alleged elements of domestic violence are adjudicated.

Abuse comes in many forms – emotional, physical, sexual, and financial. Courts take abuse into consideration and use it as a factor in equitable distribution and spousal support, often increasing the amount of money an abused party will get. So, there is monetary compensation for it.

There is a case J.N v. T.N., in which the abuse was found to be so grave, the court awarded the abused party 85% of the marital assets. The case can be found here: https://law.justia.com/cases/new-york/other-courts/2022/2022-ny-slip-op-22310.html. See also, DRL Section 236(B)(5)(d)(14), which can be found here: https://www.nysenate.gov/legislation/laws/DOM/236.

Abuse is also an obvious factor in custody determinations, as logically, children should have measured and protected engagements with an abusive parent. Trouble comes, however, when one party exaggerates or fabricates allegations of abuse to gain monetary and custodial advantages. The irony being that such a party abuses the abuse claim as a punitive and self-enriching weapon.

For example, conjure the not uncommon case of a wife calling the police on her husband, purely as a child custody tactic. In doing so, she thinks she can get the upper hand by forcing the creation of a police record for her husband – all without thinking of the implications. The wife here is so blinded by her personal ambition of gaining full custody that she fails to see the bigger picture – that her husband would get fired if there was any hint of an abuse allegation in his private life. Whether or not the allegation was true, the allegation’s mere existence was a glaring indelible black mark against him. What she thought would help her in her custody case turned out to be a very silly move for the financials. Since her ex is now unemployed and virtually unemployable at the level of income he was making at a top bank, she is limited in the support she can get. Moreover, because the court felt her call to the police was disingenuous, she ended up being penalized on the custody front.

Everything done in divorce has a cost-benefit analysis. As highlighted above, when vindictive parties are too myopic in their strategy, they end up losing on multiple fronts.

One of the consequences of the victimhood claim is that it often keeps very unhappily married couples married.

I have seen many situations where a theme of the marriage is – “You are the reason for all my unhappiness and misery, and if we get divorced, I will make your life a living hell.”

The party being blamed chooses to stay in the marriage because they view this as a real threat. Despite their misery, it is a misery they know and have lived with for years, which to them, beats the unknown behemoth of misery their spouse vows to ascend on them if the parties divorce.

I often get postnuptial agreement inquiries from this category of married couples.

To learn more about how genuine and fabricated abuse allegations can impact marriage and divorce, contact The Law & Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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I often do consultations where people say things like, “I’m married, but we keep everything separate.” They operate under the assumption that, because each party has assets in their own name, it’s separate property under the law. They think that the default in a marriage tips to individual title, and that the only things that are jointly owned are whatever has been purchased jointly and/or is held in joint names – unfortunately for them, this is a gross misconception. 

Everything purchased during the marriage is presumptively marital property, regardless of title. The burden of proof is on the person who wants to prove otherwise. 

For example, someone might purchase a property in their separate name during marriage. However, title in their sole name doesn’t matter. The overriding presumption is that everything purchased after the date of marriage is marital property. 

Inheritance is, by definition, separate property. That said, if someone uses their inheritance money to purchase a property that they put in their separate name — and then they use money earned during the marriage to pay towards the equity and the principal on the mortgage — then that person has commingled and made a portion of that house marital property. 

Businesses are handled a bit differently. When it comes to businesses, the titled spouse does get a leg up, and the non-titled spouse is typically entitled to smaller percentages than other aspects of equitable distribution, such as accounts, that weigh in favor of 50/50 splits. Non-titled spouses typically get approximately 5% – 33% of the value of the business interest, and where they fall on the spectrum and whether the court would go outside of this most common range is based on the direct and indirect contributions each spouse has made to the business. Let’s say a husband has a contracting business in his exclusive name, as appears on the corporate and business documents, his wife is presumptively entitled to a portion of the business, even though she is a non-titled spouse. 

Prenuptial and postnuptial agreements offer a means to explicitly delineate personal separate property from joint marital property. Their flexibility allows us to go above and beyond what the law provides and create unique solutions that make sense for the situation. 

To learn more and appropriately protect your rights and interests, contact us.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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We often hear that someone is “going through a midlife crisis.” It can happen in a way where the person is happy, sad, or in between. A red sports car may be involved, or it may be a new model train hobby. When the person is married, the crisis ends up spreading out to affect the people around them.

In most cases, however, there has usually been some sort of shift taking place within that person that set the stage for a midlife crisis. From society’s changing attitudes to cell biology, here are three factors that I frequently see:

•Menopause: A classic example is a woman going through menopause. Many women will tell you that they felt absolutely crazy for five years. Their body stops being able to regulate itself, and then, all of a sudden, they start thinking differently and feeling differently about themselves and their whole life. Menopause “survivors” say that they had become a different person through those years.

•Mental Illness & Substance Abuse: It is not uncommon for very high-functioning people to struggle with a chronic mental illness or substance abuse problems. As they approach midlife, something happens that throws them off balance where they are no longer able to control their illness, even within the parameters that have always kept them high functioning. Of course, Covid has been working non-stop to add stress to people’s lives, which may result in relapses when there otherwise might not have been.

“Cougars” & “Hot Dads”: As society has suddenly begun to admire women and men past the age of 40, the denizens of that age group are taking notice. Men, especially, seem eager to test out the extent of their attractiveness on younger associates at work. Things like personal trainers, plastic surgery, and body contouring become a priority. This effect may also be partially responsible for the rise in divorce among people in their 40s and 50s.

Eventually, for these people, something happens where they are no longer even within the sphere of normalcy. The checks and balances they had made in their lives are no longer working, and they begin to act in ways they never had before. Either they will ask for a divorce, or their spouse will. If you ask their spouses what happened, they will often say that the person who had the midlife crisis was a workaholic with a successful career — and a substance abuse problem.

Thankfully, the 1950s are dead and buried, much like the notion of staying in an unhappy marriage. That said, divorce can still be a long and painful shift, and escaping an abusive home is still fraught with dangerous obstacles.

Contact us for more information.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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One of the unique aspects of a marital relationship is that each spouse knows things about the other that no one else does. When vulnerabilities that are exposed in the times of greatest intimacy and closeness are used against someone, they may feel a loss of the trust that created the whole reason for marriage.

Unfortunately, divorce is problematic in its own way. It often gets used as a bombshell when talking to neighbors, and this can create feelings of tremendous isolation for the other person. I’ve seen people go to bed one night with a whole network of friends, and wake up blocked by all of them, across multiple platforms. 

Sometimes, mutual friends can actually be great facilitators during the process of mediating a divorce, as a sort of in-between. Other times, friends are caught in the middle and used as sounding boards to air out the negative feelings of whichever spouse they are with at the moment. 

One thing that few people realize is that when your ex bad-mouths you, they often reveal their own negative character traits instead of yours. Within the work environment, the gossiper is the one that is most at risk, because nobody really wants to hear that often sensationalized, quasi-true, shameful anecdote about their co-worker’s ex, especially if they are a substantive person themselves; it makes us cringe. Moreover, at work, superiors start to think their blabbermouth divorcing underling is using time and energy they should be channeling into their job to conduct glorified group therapy sessions, and consequently, they start scrutinizing their job performance more. I often say, “Chances are it’s more negatively impacting your spouse that they’re blabbing about you than it’s affecting you.”

That said, people are often still blocked from their regular friends and support systems. Across the board, I have seen people experience trouble functioning in the midst of a mass ghosting led by their soon-to-be ex-spouse. 

Ultimately, the larger world is full of people who do have an element of common sense. If they feel they know you, and have a decent rapport with you, most people will be able to navigate the gossip. 

In my next post, I’ll talk about the measures you can take, like confidentiality and NDA clauses, to protect yourself in an agreement.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

The post When Your Ex Is Blabbing About You…Ruining Your Reputation appeared first on Cheryl Stein, Esq..

Studies show that addicts don’t necessarily get better — instead it’s about containing or channeling the addiction. Oftentimes, for a multitude of reasons, the partners of addicts are willing to cut the other party some slack because they don’t want to throw in the towel on the marriage. Sometimes, a post-nuptial agreement is done instead of a separation or divorce, sometimes nothing is done.

When thinking of addiction, most people conjure images of alcohol, drugs, and smoking, but there are so many other forms of addiction that can have deleterious effects on relationships and marriage, like sex addiction, gambling, video games and screen time, and engaging in dangerous and high-risk sports and behavior to test one’s edge and get their adrenaline pumping towards making them feel more alive, or on the flip side, to numb themselves from feeling anything.

I have a case in which a woman was married to someone who is a sex addict. He spent the down payment for a new house on his addiction. Because they have three young children, the wife took a wait-and-see attitude. For his part, the husband went to a rehab facility and found 12-step meetings to attend afterward. Unfortunately, as time went on, it became clear that his addiction was a factor once more. While it did not affect his career, he was not able to juggle his addiction and his marriage. I represented the wife in the divorce getting her 75% of the parties’ assets in an equitable distribution relief package to compensate her for the money the husband dissipated on prostitutes, escorts, and his porn addiction.

Another common situation I’ve come across is when there is a combination of addiction and rather acute mental illness, such as bipolar disorder. This is especially relevant when there are changes to medication used to treat mental health issues, or the person simply stops taking their prescribed medications. These situations can change overnight, and often cause people to want an immediate divorce in order to protect the children, in addition to protecting assets, and their own mental health and sense of safety.

Gambling addiction is also widespread. A client’s husband recently revealed to her that he has $150,000 in gambling debt and a co-debt with someone else for over $50,000. She is obviously very concerned about her assets, which primarily consist of the marital home. One option for this couple would be a post-nuptial agreement, putting everything in the non-addict spouse’s name.

Within more religious and tight-knit communities, I’ve seen many miserably unhappily married people choose to stay married to an addict solely because they fear stigma. Often, they have children and are afraid that others will think the addiction is inherited. If people live in a community where addiction is a highly stigmatized black marker, they don’t want people to know, so they choose to “stick it out” in their marriage — a very loveless marriage for the sake of maintaining a facade.

Feel free to contact me if any of this resonates and you or your spouse struggle with an addiction.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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I had a case where the husband had been put in jail because he had been stealing money from a fund that he was responsible for. Over the course of many years, he began taking money to subsidize his lifestyle with his wife. His wife made a good living, and he wanted to present that he was contributing towards the marriage as well. In truth, the wife didn’t know that much about the husband’s job, and she didn’t ask. He was a consultant, and they filed their taxes separately. 

The fund that the husband was responsible for eventually discovered his embezzlement. He ended up doing a stint in jail, and the wife stayed with him throughout this ordeal. The wife was not prosecuted or implicated in any way. This marriage did eventually disintegrate into divorce – the seed being planted with the husband’s criminal activity — but it took many years. 

In another instance where the husband was found guilty of embezzlement, the couple owned many joint assets together. They wanted to get a divorce in order to protect the wife’s share of the assets and transfer all the assets into her exclusive name, thereby protecting them. 

Sometimes, people trigger an investigation into their (ex-)spouse. For example, a wife may know that her husband used fuzzy math on his tax returns. They may stay married, and benefit from the questionable returns while they’re married. It’s only after the divorce — or during a very, very contentious divorce — that they will call the IRS. That is not only personally distasteful to me, it is also illogical to facilitate the imprisoning of your ex-spouse because then they cannot work and make support payments. Further, the children are deprived of a parent and have to deal with the emotional turmoil and stigma of an imprisoned parent.   

Finally, there are extreme scenarios of finding out your spouse committed a crime and got away with it. For example, finding out your spouse has affiliations with a supremacist or hate group, a terrorist organization, has stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars and gone undiscovered, and in the most extreme scenario, has committed rape or murder in their past and never got caught. These are not just scenarios that play out in mystery novels; while not run of the mill, these events happen and need to be handled delicately. 

There are ways to build up some armor and distinguish yourself from your law-breaking spouse. Post-nuptial agreements can address all kinds of different issues. If the marriage is in a more advanced stage of deterioration, you can pursue a separation agreement or divorce. Contact me at cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com to learn more.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

The post When Your Spouse is on the Wrong Side of the Law appeared first on Cheryl Stein, Esq..

For example, I had a case where the husband was a charming, easy-to-love guy. The wife was successful in her own right, and he pulled out all the stops for her. She ended up relocating for him — and a few years later he was asked to resign from his job due to multiple sexual harassment claims.

He ended up going from a high salary to $30,000 a year scraping together various consulting gigs. The wife went from being the less-monied spouse to being the monied spouse. When the marriage broke down, having a financially ruined husband became an urgent problem. His reputation had been tarnished within his industry so much that it was unlikely he would ever get another high-paying position. 

My client abhorred the idea of paying support to someone whose career came crashing down because of his own actions. Despite what was morally right, it appeared that the black and white letter of the law was on the husband’s side. According to the statutory maintenance guideline calculations, my client would have had to pay a sizable maintenance to him. The wayward husband’s attorney requested this relief to shake up my client and put her on the defense; he picked up on my client’s (understandable) particular revulsion to paying support — and liked to bring it up to unnerve her. He requested the relief in his pleadings, audaciously filed a motion for support, and sent barrages of correspondences on the subject. 

Despite the guidelines, I advised my client that the judge would not rule in the husband’s favor.

That’s because judges look at the “whole package” and exercise several factors afforded to them to deviate from the statute as they deem fit towards a fair and judicious outcome. I expected the judge would be sympathetic to my client because her story was so indicative of the moral character of the husband. Ultimately, we prevailed, obtaining a judgment that freed my client and that she felt great peace about. 

One of the judges I’ve admired in my career always emphasized the importance of providing a “whole picture” to the judge. The relevant laws allow for a degree of discretion to the judges, which makes it possible to do things like bypass spousal support guidelines in the interest of fairness. In this case, the whole picture showed a cloud of bad behavior that obscured the one issue that seemed in the husband’s favor. 

As ludicrous as it might sound for a wife in this instance to have to pay her husband support, it’s not so simple, for example, the courts typically prefer that a former spouse pay support than that the befallen spouse become a ward on the state. Further, as mentioned, the statutory notice of guideline maintenance, in its most literal form, favors the husband, and seeking maintenance is also often used as a strategic scare and intimidation tactic of the husband’s legal counsel to get the wife to settle on other terms, such as equitable distribution.  

Join me next time when I discuss another “Me, Too” divorce, and feel free to send me your story to cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com.

Until next time…… 

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

The post “Me, Too” Divorces: A Case Study appeared first on Cheryl Stein, Esq..

While each situation is different, in my practice, divorces where one spouse is gay tend to be more amicable as an overall generalization, with there being some highly contentious ones every now and again. There’s oftentimes already a deep attachment and an understanding in place that they were never going to have a conventional marriage. They created a different kind of life together, and now they have to untangle it. 

That mutual respect is why so many couples like this are more inclined to mediate their divorces. In many of my cases, the person who is not gay is attached to the one that is, and the person that is gay usually does not want to be harsh. I have also had experiences where the couple tries initially to mediate, or resolve the situation amicably, and they end up litigating. That can happen for a number of reasons, including the non-adversarial setting of mediation, which has been known to make financial manipulation more likely to occur. 

Within the various religions, one party being gay may present seemingly unsolvable problems in a divorce. Oftentimes, religions bring with them a culture that involves every member of a multi-generational family. Some religious communities have their own systems of dealing with marriages and divorces. Information that is private in the secular world is everyone’s business in small communities. Because of that, couples may work out an agreement in which they are divorced in everything but name — unless the parties are completely willing to be open and potentially jeopardize some of the relationships with their family members, including parents, siblings, uncles still moored in more traditional and less accepting dogmas.

In many of these cases, the non-gay spouse did have suspicions over the years that their spouse might be gay. A lot of times, it was chalked up to depression, the gay spouse exhibiting behaviors such as being withdrawn, detached, and lack of interest in sexual encounters with their spouse. The reality is the gay spouse is often depressed if they feel trapped in a marriage with someone of the “wrong” sex who they lack sexual interest in and are often conflicted about how to handle their situation — do they stay out of a sense of loyalty to their family or do they go out of a sense of loyalty to their true innate nature. So, for many, getting that divorce is important to their continuing mental health.

To get started, contact me.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

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