Tag Archive for: Attorney

Is Your Attorney Asleep at the Wheel?

A lot of times people come to me for a second opinion or to have me take over their case. The complaint many people have about their attorney is not about billable hours. Rather, the chief complaint I hear is, “My attorney is asleep at the wheel and neglecting my case.”

Is he/she, though?

The strategy in boxing is to wear down your opponent. Have him throw a lot of punches until he’s totally drained. He may think he is beating you, but you have saved your energy for the very end, when you throw a flurry of final punches, and win the match. 

Is your attorney really neglecting your case or do they have a worthwhile strategy of wearing the other side down? Could it be that they are restraining and exerting effort at the right times and places to be most efficient and cost-effective for your case?   

Your attorney may be mishandling your case, but not necessarily, and it is critical to know the difference. 

Another area where people may get the impression that their attorney may be asleep at the wheel is the period of pre-court discovery motions. Discovery is an extremely expensive process, and because of that a lot of attorneys will ignore any discovery responses or demands until they are actually in court. I have come across attorneys that are like that — any pre-court discovery requests end up being a waste of time and money because the other side will only respond to the authority of the court. In my practice, I have learned how not to waste time and money with attorneys like this. 

Another expensive and labor-intensive process is the taking of depositions. Attorneys will avoid depositions as much as possible. Often people going through divorce hear about the experiences of their friends and family, and wonder why they haven’t been deposed. This is another example of your attorney putting your needs first by avoiding expenses that end up serving no purpose.

No matter what strategy your attorney is using, you should be in on it. Give the word “strategy” some space in your brain, and make sure you stay updated on how it’s going. Together, you and the attorney of your choosing can work smart instead of working costly and hard. 

You may contact The Law & Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein to learn more about your case.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

Equality Schmality

Men often voice that they feel they get the raw end of the stick during divorce, without a larger understanding of their situation.

Generally, women are perceived as victims and sympathetic characters in divorce, both in the monetary and parenting realms.

People often ask me if I am a female-or male-oriented attorney and which sex I predominantly represent. I represent both equally, and each case is fact specific. At any given moment, I represent mirror image situations-for example, a female client who would like to impose that her ex keep to a very time specific visitation schedule, and a male client lamenting that his wife is overly rigid in demanding that his visitation must take place within very precise time frames.  

Arguably, men are often still considered second fiddle when it comes to parenting, even though there is a whole movement underway in the direction of 50/50 parenting, often titled “50/50 is the new default,” as in a 50/50 joint physical and residential custody arrangement.

When actions are commenced, typically it is the husband who moves out and the wife who remains in the marital residence with the children. Men often have a hard time with the idea of leaving the house and no longer sleeping under the same roof as their children every night. Something they took for granted is suddenly gone.  

There is still the general presumption that women are the natural caretakers. Men often have to fight hard to obtain a more liberal access schedule. They often verbalize finding it offensive that they suddenly have to “visit” with their children during prescribed hours. (Euphemisms have been contrived, such as “parenting time” and “access schedule,” but it doesn’t change the underlying concept.) The emotional trauma that many men experience when this happens is not spoken about. Men are expected to “man up” about things, while women are more touchy-feely, often attending support groups or leaning on their immediate social circle.  

In a more traditional situation, such as with a stay-at-home mom, or if the woman is a teacher, of course maintenance is going to be paid, of course the woman is going to be the primary caretaker. But when it’s the reverse and the man is the one that stays home caring for the children or is a teacher, there’s a presumption that something must be wrong with him. Why isn’t he in a more manly profession?  

When the woman is the higher income earner, the man often feels pressured to give up maintenance or to reduce the amount that he takes. It’s almost expected that the man should come up with faster ways to make money or simply not leech off his wife. In the reverse situation, the pressure would be less, because it’s expected that women leave the workforce when they have children to care for. This dynamic is often most evident in mediation when both parties are in the room together, openly expressing their viewpoints.

An additional noteworthy point is domestic violence and abuse towards men.

Domestic violence towards women is a well-known phenomenon, but we hear little about domestic violence towards men, and not because it isn’t pervasive. It is, in fact, quite commonplace, as many divorce attorneys can tell you.

I have seen situations where men, who are 6’2” and over 200 pounds, are the victims of physical and emotional abuse by their 5’4″ wives. These men may be in high-power positions, dominating during business meetings, but tell me they’re terrified to go home to their wives. This issue is not spoken about and very little sympathy goes towards men. They’re expected to suppress their feelings and don’t really have any forums to talk about or deal with it. A lot of these men feel they can’t reveal what’s going on in their lives because of their high-powered professional positions; for all intents and purposes, they have everything together.

It is not a pity party competition between the sexes-rather an observation. Many of my male clients have expressed that they wish there were more resources available to them, while they are going through separation and divorce, to help them through the process. I have a long list of support groups to dispense to my female clients and often think I need to get all my male clients together to create their own support group, because they are so hard to come by.   

Contact The Law & Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein with any questions if you are preparing for or going through a separation or divorce.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
745 Fifth Avenue, Suite 500
New York, NY 10151
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com

Help! Is My Attorney in Bed With My Ex’s Attorney?!

On several occasions, I have been the incoming attorney where the client did not trust the attorney they initially retained, because they felt that attorney was in bed with their ex’s attorney, so to speak.

They had observed the two attorneys — opposing counsel to one another on the given case — engage in overly friendly behavior and banter in the court hallways and overheard their attorney cutting deals and verbally committing to settlement agreements to the opposing counsel that they had not spoken about with them (their own client) previously. In one particular case, the client overheard her attorney agreeing to have her pay a sizable amount in maintenance without first discussing it with her (this was before the new maintenance legislation was passed); in another case, the client overheard his attorney agreeing to give the wife full custody with limited visitation to him (the father) where the client was a very hands-on and involved father and wanted a 50/50 custody split.

These observations breed distrust, as the client feels that their attorney is not advocating for them. They feel their attorney is in cahoots with opposing counsel and is more interested in their relationship with opposing counsel than with them, the client, thereby selling them down the river in the process.

It is important for attorneys to have a positive rapport with one another, but there is a fine professional balance.

The relatively small pond of attorneys specializing in matrimonial and divorce law can often feel confined and incestuous. The attorneys tend to see each other frequently (for example, in court, at continuing legal education programs, and they are often repeat opposing counsel to one another). They are familiar with and often respect each other’s work.

A friendly professional relationship between your lawyer and opposing counsel can benefit you, because it can help the case proceed more smoothly and quickly. For example, if your lawyer is friendly with opposing counsel, opposing counsel will be more likely to extend professional courtesies when they are requested and less likely to argue over points of minutiae that are vacuous holes of time and money. A friendly professional relationship generally also involves mutual respect for the other person’s skills and professionalism. A lawyer who is respected by his/her colleagues can be a more effective advocate for you.

There are best practices attorneys should follow to foster the client’s security and confidence in them and the progress of the case. Foremost are the needs for transparency and honest, clear, open communication.

Before agreeing to a deal on your behalf, your lawyer should discuss with you the goals of the representation, the scope of his/her authority to reach an agreement on your behalf, and the specific details and ramifications of any particular piecemeal or global settlement.

While your lawyer should advocate zealously on your behalf — both in negotiations and when arguing to the court — keep in mind that it’s also part of his/her job to advise you about the realistic chances of achieving your goals in light of the governing law. Although clients do not always welcome this kind of information, if your objectives are realistic, your lawyer may be able to help you resolve the case more quickly than if your objectives are unrealistic. Having realistic goals can also help minimize the emotional turmoil that can accompany divorce.

To ensure transparency, your lawyer should regularly update you and accurately report to you about what is going on in your case. You should be copied on all written communications.

Sometimes, the assigned judge will ask the lawyers to come up to the bench or into the judge’s chambers without their clients. Because transparency is extremely important, your lawyer should ask the judge if you can be present. If your lawyer can’t say something in front of you, he/she shouldn’t say it at all.

Feel free to contact The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein with any questions.

Cheryl Stein, Esq.
The Law and Mediation Offices of Cheryl Stein
Offices in Manhattan and Brooklyn
Phone: (646) 884-2324
E-mail: cheryl@cherylsteinesq.com